A sudden realization

I remember meditating about the lack of response from the people in the US to the genocide that Israel was inflicting and that it was because they were ponerized. Not being able to do what is obviously the thing to do when you see what's wrong and what's right is a really bad sign of being morally depleted after years of being exposed to ponerology. And I was thinking that something similar could apply in my life.

I waked up today with the realization that a lot of my current uneasiness had to do with the process of ponerization I've been throughout all my career as a medical doctor. Well, at least it is a part of it. That was kind of funny because I already knew it, it's just that I tend to forget and maybe that is also part of the ponerization process I've been through.

Just one example of one case among the hundreds if not thousands I've experienced... There was this old man whom we all knew was going to die. He knew it, the family knew it, my boss knew it, and of course I knew it. I was aware that the old man wanted to die in his house, among his family and all the people he cared for during his life. After a week or so of hinting and convincing my co-workers that his stay in the hospital was causing him more harm than good (just by pointing out the obvious), we decided to send him home. And then he suddenly had a respiratory insufficiency and he died after a few days in the intensive care unit. Maybe I should had tried harder? Maybe that is the way the system works... Nowadays people hardly die in their houses among love ones. The respiratory insufficiency was from a lung infection that he would not had caught in his house because it was a nosocomial infection. Who knows, he might still be alive. But he is not. He even said that he was afraid that he was going to die in the hospital and I was going to prove him wrong... But at the end he was right. He died ALONE in the 7th floor of a miserable hospital because no family members were allowed to be around.

Sigh.

"Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back-- Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth that ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues
from the decision, raising in one's favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. Whatever you can do, or dream you can do, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. Begin it now." -Goethe