Dumping around

The following are quotes of the book "Why is it always about you" by Sandra Hotchkiss.

The narcissistic engages us via our own narcissistic vulnerabilities. These early experiences leave us with unrealistic expectations of ourselves and a need for repair of the shame we felt when we couldn't measure up to theirs. [...]

By attaching ourselves to these individuals we get immediate gratification of our need to feel special by basking in their glow, and when we go out of our way to please them in order to hold their interest, we signal them that we can be used to meet their needs. The door is then open to the exploitation and shame-dumping that is characteristic of the way they operate. The most treacherous ones will keep us bound to them by pumping us up between the put-downs and the manipulations.

The Narcissistic has a prism that refracts and distorts incoming messages to avoid the intolerable feeling of shame. Narcissists constantly dump -or project- unwanted parts of themselves onto other people. They begin to behave as if others possess these unwanted pieces of themselves and they may even succeed in getting others to feel as if they actually have those traits or feelings. This is an unconscious process for both the dumper and the dumpee, but what if means is that you end up being treated like the dirt they've brushed off their own psyches, or feeling the humiliation, the anger, the vulnerability, and the worthlessness that they cannot tolerate themselves. They lob it onto you, you suck it in, and for an icky while, it's yours. If you are young, dependent, or otherwise vulnerable, their "disowned" parts may stick around and become part of your own self-image.